Leatherwear Basics

One thing that the "Barrier to Entry" survey made painfully obvious was a lack of easy to find guides for those intimidated by entering leather community. My first handout gives some basic leather-wear advice for those who think they don't have anything to wear. In truth nearly everyone has the right clothing to wear into a leather bar. Download PDF

Barrier to Entry (leather bar attendance)

There are factors that keep people coming and keep people away from Leather Bars. This break out will explore the reasons for both. At the end of the day, some patience is necessary from the regulars and some adventurousness is necessary from the newbies.

Geography and parking is the biggest barrier keeping people away from bars. The simple fact is their can't be a bar in every town, and traveling to the city isn't an option for everyone. I'm working on a guide for those who are looking for a sense of community without having geographic access to a Leather or Leather friendly bar. There are ways to develop a sense of community without traveling, sometimes it simply means opening up your mind.

I've organized some of the most common factors keeping people coming and keeping people away in the lists below. I've paired reasons by disconnect.

Keeps People Coming	Keeps People Away
not too loud edgy bartenders are friendly tag along with kinky partner friendly relaxed atmosphere community sense of belonging HIV accepting clubs see same faces meet likeminded people mentoring atmosphere comfortable wearing gear exhibitionism know what others are into by look scuttlebutt (gossup) cruising smoking areas	too loud nervous rude staff partner is vanilla arrogant uninviting sub groups clicks inexperienced dark grose bathrooms no one dresses up drama being  judged smoking areas

The takeaway from this list is that there are no simple solutions. I've broken my advice into three categories; advice for bars, advice for bar regulars, and advice for newbies. I'm not an expert here, but this advice is based on what people want. Everyone needs to put a little work in to make things better.

Bars:

1. Cleanliness: I know for a fact that my local bar cleans regularly, but basic facilities are a problem. People want clean bathrooms with closing stall doors. keeping the bath facilities well lit and sterile looking may take away from the ambiance, but it also sends a message that bathrooms arn't sex dens. Some patrons want a place to hook up, but many new ones are intimidated by not having a comfortable place to piss.
2. Smoking Areas: Not everyone is into cigar smoke. Enough people are that it should be available, but make sure the smoking area is separate from the rest of the bar so non-smoking patrons won't get turned off.
3. Websites: I went to a lot of web sites, and none were good sources of information about leather bars or leather bar culture. Guides about etiquette, basic dress do's and don'ts, and well kept calendars are key. People are regularly upset about parking, so if you are mass transit accessible let people know that on the site.
4. Changing Areas: Many bars have lockers available to remove layers once you get there. If you're bar has such facilities advertise that fact.
5. Welcome Feedback: Tradition is an important part of leather bar culture, but that doesn't mean things shouldn't change when they aren't working. You shouldn't ignore valuable feedback simply because "You can't please everyone."

Regulars:

1. Be Less Judgmental: You were new once too. The young man or woman dressed inappropriately or behaving disrespectfully may not know any better. If you want bars to thrive into the future then you have to help bring new people into the fold. It's also important to let them put their generation's spin on the community.
2. Wear Gear: Instead of bitching about no one wearing gear, gear up yourself. There is no reason for anyone else to dress up if you aren't willing to first.
3. Be Friendly: You don't have to want to have sex with someone to be polite to them. You also don't need to take every person under your wing to be friendly. New people regularly see members of the community as rude to outsiders. We know how supportive the community can be, don't turn someone off before they can discover that for themselves. Remember that the "twinks" who came out in a group may be uncomfortable coming alone. They may just need a mentor or a friendly face to keep them coming out.
4. Come Out More: If you're sick of bars being empty then come out more.
5. Check the Drama at the Door: Club, bar, and title politics are a constant source of gossip and drama at the bar. To an outsider it can sound like leather men are a bunch of backstabbing jerks.
6. Speak Up: Leather bar managers and owners have to walk a type rope to keep as many people happy as possible. Support their efforts to try new things, but also don't be afraid to respectfully express your point of view.

Newbies:

1. Evaluate Your Priorities: Do you want a D/s relationship, or do you want a community? There is absolutely no reason you can't have both, but sometimes searching for a Sir or a slave can prevent you from seeing possible friendships that could support you in your journey. Making friends in the community also helps you network in a way that online personal sites never could.
2. Be Outgoing: Regulars see leather bars as a welcoming place that creates a sense of family and community. This atmosphere doesn't need to be hard to break into. If you feel unwelcome, try to remember that you are the new one. People should be more friendly, but so should you. It's your job to try and introduce yourself. Although they may seem clicky from the outside try to look for club nights at bars, clubs often want new members. Even thought you may not want to join, it's a good way to meet people and no one will mind if you remain a GDI (God Damn Independent). 
3. Its about Sex & Community: Although people do hook up at leather bars, it's not the only reason people go. You don't have to want to have sex to go. Many are there to talk and have fun too. Often those looking for sex are in different areas of the bar than those who are there to socialize. If you want to meet people go to where people are talking, not making out. Also consider that you don't only have to talk to people you are attracted to. That "old man" on a bar stool could be an invaluable source of information and friendship.

We often hear about reaching out to "young people" when talking about keeping the community alive. We can see below that those born between 1981 and 1990 are as likely to attend leather bars monthly as those born a decade earlier. In all likelihood their attendance is growing. Those born between 1961 and 1970 are the most likely to attend regularly, but those older drop off quickly.

One regular anomaly is the dip in those born between 1971 and 1980. This absence is present in nearly every survey. Because these individuals would have been in their 20's during the 1990's one could assume their absence is a continuing legacy of the AIDS epidemic. The positive outcome of those terrible years is that the Leather community is largely accepting of those who are HIV positive. This acceptance is strength of leather bars and the leather community at large. Although some choose not to play safer, the leather bars are a place where being positive doesn't need to be a secret shame.

Monthly attendees of leather bars tend to be mixed by role, but the "regulars" tend to be subs and Doms. Being able to express protocol in an accepting environment was a common reason that keeps people coming out. Switches consistently have the highest participation in LIP surveys, but we can see here that they may frequent leather bars, but don't necessarily make them their home.

My final take away is that leather bars are still attracting people. Attendance may be down, but as homosexuality becomes more mainstream we can expect a smaller counter culture community. That means that those of us that remain need to be more tolerant of each other. Specializing your identity is empowering, but also chops up community resources. Be yourself, but work together and respect differences.

- view the unedited raw data for this survey -

Does your mother know?

During Mr. MAL 2011's very motivational and energetic step-down speech he brought his parents to the stage. This made me cry like a baby. Maybe it was the fact that my husband was in the contest and I was already emotional, but it is always moving when someone shares the community with their biological family.

The leather community is a fundamental part of my social life, and sometimes it's uncomfortable living in both worlds. I make a lot of choices of what I share with family, vanilla friends, and co-workers. At the end of the day I consider my involvement in the leather community to be such a positive experience that everyone knows, even if I leave out some of the details about sex. This survey explores what you share about your involvement in the leather community.

This survey is now closed. Click this link to review data.

Happy ______!

Before joining the leather community my winter holidays were uniformly  Christmas oriented. Now I have friends of many faiths  and exposure to more and more people from different backgrounds have introduced me to new traditions. The leather community is one of choice, and consequently it's a melting pot that society at large could never be.  I wanted this survey to be an exploration of what is considered to be one of the happiest, if not most stressful, times of year. 


Christmas and New Years are the most celebrated holidays, but Winter Solstice has a significant percentage of participants. I was surprised how few participants reported celebrating Hanukah. It will be interesting to explore the religious elements of this survey in a future survey.

This survey reviled that those not close their families are twice as likely to spend the holidays alone, and also a third less likely to spend it with a significant other. My survey didn't ask how many wanted to spend the holidays alone, but it does show that only half of those who spend the holiday season alone also do not celebrate any holidays at all. 

Chosen families are an important component of the leather community. One community leader often refers to his home as "the island of misfit toys," which is particularly relevant considering it references a Christmas holiday classic. Loosing ties with one's biological family is an unfortunate reality for some. Creating new families is a powerful option. Nearly half of participants entertain during the holidays. If you are fortunate enough to be near a leather bar, some are open 365 days a year, including holidays.

- view the unedited raw data for this survey -

Clarification on "Sex Role Preferences"

I'd like to take a moment to clarify one of the questions I use in every survey. It is my view that human sexuality is far more complicated than defining between dominant and submissive. In fact I have a three dimensional view of sexuality shown in the chart below.

The reason I ask everyone to define themselves as dom, sub, or switch is because I believe sex role preference influences opinions in the community. For me, sex role is limited to dominant, submissive, and switch because I consider "level of sexuality" and "level of kinkiness" as separate dimensions of sexuality. People can be anything from asexual doms to vanilla subs. I've also deliberately simplified the vocabulary to preclude words which have different meanings in different circles. Subs and doms do not always see eye to eye and switches often see issues differently. I ask you to define yourself not because I am trying to box you in, but because it's a spectrum that everyone falls on. If you feel that neither "dom" or "sub" defines you, I challenge you to ask "do I desire to take or give control to an other?" If you do both depending on sexual chemistry, then perhaps you should consider identifying as a switch. 

I also draw a destination between labels and sex role preferences. Some labels are clearly defined as dominant or submissive, others are not. I am a boy, but I see myself as a switch much of the time. I've learned a lot in my years and situations arise where I feel more comfortable taking control. These roles are fluid, so if you feel dominant today, it doesn't mean you have to identify as "dominant" tomorrow.

Survey: 'Barrier to Entry,' attendance at leather bars

For some, leather bars are the center of our social universe. They represent a second  home, a meeting place for all of our friends and 'family.' For others they are unwelcoming holes that don't tolerate those who break from the pack.

Whatever your view point, leather and leather friendly bars are an important part of our subculture. While some notable bars have closed in the past few years, it is good to see other bars taking the opportunity to open their doors to the leather community. I hope this indicates that leather bars, in general, are here to stay.

The aim of this survey is to explore what keeps people coming back to leather bars and also what prevents those who attend leather events like MAL from frequenting bars. I've opted for free form answers in parts of this survey, which adds a lot of work for me when I tabulate. I hope those taking the survey will take the opportunity to speak up on what they love and hate about leather bars.

This survey is closed, you may review data by clicking this link.

Relationship Models

Relationships in the Leather Community are often interesting to those looking from outside. We often attempt to model our relationship in a particular way. There is no perfect formula, and no two relationships are alike, but people do tend to choose from a few standard options.

Cheating, jealousy, and equality are all issues in most relationships. In the Leather Community we've attempted to address these "problems' by establishing parameters to define appropriate conduct.

I asked if jealously was a problem instead of asking if there was jealousy because I wanted to explore how relationships addressed it. My husband an I are in an open relationship with rules and one of the ways we address jealousy is by allowing a "veto rule." Although both of us have been angry when the other invoked the rule, we've always talked about it after emotions have subsided and are often able to defuse the original cause of the jealousy. With D/s relationships I'm curious how each party defuses jealousy without creating tension.

As the same sex marriage became a political issue it was opposed as a focus by some in the Leather Community. It was often described as the "wrong issue." I herd this far more often by those in D/s relationships than by those in other relationship models. We can see this sentiment clearly below.

While I am not surprised by this question's answers, I can't help but wonder how those outside of the community would have answered it. Equality in relationships is a major issue, in the Leather Community it is addressed by rules in a way that non-protocol based relationships do not.

  

Roles are individual to most relationships. We all establish standard behavioral practices when at home and in public. I believe those in the Leather Community tend to talk about it more. Roles are often organic and change over time. How is this reality accommodated when protocol defines roles?

- view the unedited raw data for this survey -