I get a lot of questions about my anatomy and how I achieve orgasm. Before diving into those specifics, it is important to bring everyone up to speed on what a nullo is, and for those who already know, how different the medical landscape is today compared to the recent past.
A nullo is someone who chooses to have their external genitalia removed. The result is a smooth appearance between the legs, with a small opening left for urination. While the surgery is available for individuals assigned female at birth, I can only speak to the specifics of my own experience as someone assigned male at birth.
People undergo this surgery for a variety of reasons. For me, it was a way to bring my body into alignment with how I have felt inside since a very young age. I was never comfortable with having a penis and testicles, a feeling that only intensified when I entered puberty. Back in the early 1990s, I had no idea what a nullo was. I started tucking in the sixth grade, not because I wanted to be a woman, but because I knew I simply did not want anything between my legs.
I first heard the term "nullo" in AOL chat rooms during the late 1990s. The framework I was introduced to came via the Eunuch Archive, an online fiction repository, forum, personals site, and chat room that is now largely defunct. Today, the fiction archive and forum are preserved on Archive.org via the Wayback Machine.
It was a very different time. Gender identity was far from the public eye, and I had no idea that options existed outside of the gender binary. For a long time, I believed the only way to achieve the body I so strongly desired was through a BDSM power dynamic or by taking matters into my own hands. Fantasizing about a partner "taking" my genitals through a power dynamic provided psychological cover; it allowed me to avoid accepting the fact that I would gladly choose to do it myself if given the opportunity. I have since known people who took both of those dangerous routes, either by performing the procedure themselves and going to the emergency room, or by contacting an underground "cutter" online.
Since that time, I have realized that I am non-binary, and that my desire for gender nullification via nulloplasty or nullectomy could be safely achieved through the legitimate medical system. Unlike the back alley methods of the past, modern gender nullification is a proper surgical procedure developed by gender-affirming surgeons. My own surgery was covered by insurance and performed at a major hospital. For those interested in learning more about these medical options or finding a provider, resources are available at QueerDoc.com. My own procedure was performed by Dr. Ramenini in Washington, D.C.
The result is the exact appearance I desired as an adolescent, with the added benefit of enhanced sexual function. By retaining the sensitive nerves of the glans, which are now relocated under my pelvic mound as a "buried clit," I am capable of achieving orgasm in multiple ways. I can do so either by stimulating that buried clit or by stimulating my urethral opening. The opening still retains some erectile tissue, creating a small, half-inch "volcano" when I become aroused.
I used to keep my desire to become a nullo a secret, driven by shame and the fear of rejection. Today, I accept that this is an essential part of who I am, and I am proud to have finally achieved my dream of living as my authentic self. While I am still navigating the complex landscape of modern gender identity and finding exactly where I fit, I remain confident in the reality that I have finally aligned my body with my true nature.
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